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Ein unmoralisches Angebot

08.07.2008 by kle, filed under Wien, Spionage
Der Schwenk der Sozialdemokratie in der Europafrage bringt mich nicht zum Erstaunen. Wer keine Erwartungen erwecken kann, vermag diese auch nicht zu enttäuschen. Auch die Entscheidung, diesen Schwenk via Kronenzeitung zu vollziehen, kostet mich nur ein mildes Lächeln. Interessant ist aber, dass Hans Dichand, der Herausgeber der Krone, den Deal „Ihr- seids-für-die-Volksabstimmung-und ich-mach-euch-dafür-zum-Kanzler“ im Vorfeld bereits der ÖVP gemacht hat, Außenministerin Ursula Plassnik aber dankend ablehnte (siehe „DerStandard, 01.07.08). Wieso bloß? Rekonstruktion eines Gesprächs:

 

Onkel Hans: Du Ursi! Geh komm einmal her da! [Beäugt erfreut die Ministerin]. Ich hätt' da was für uns zwei.

 

Ursi: [Denkt sich: was denn jetzt schon wieder.]

 

Onkel Hans: Wir verstehen uns doch so gut; die längste Zeit schon. Oder?

 

Ursi: [Denkt sich: Ach so?]

 

Onkel Hans: Und da hab ich mir gedacht, wir könnten uns doch auf ein Packel hauen, wir zwei. Oder? [Grinst dreckig, reibt sich unterm Schreibtisch mit der Hand am Schritt]

 

Ursi: [Grinst blöd; weiß nicht wo sie hinschauen soll]

 

Onkel Hans: Weil ihr schaut's ja recht mager aus der Wäsche, du und die deinigen...

 

Ursi: [Grinst ahnungslos, denkt sich: was meint der alte ...]

 

Onkel Hans: Und da hab ich mir gedacht, ich hol euch den Kanzler zurück.

 

Ursi: [Falten auf der Stirn, denkt sich: Den Schüssel? Bloß nicht!]

 

Onkel Hans: Aber nicht den Schüssel, nur den Posten! Ich versprich dir den Sieg bei den Wahlen, Madl, aber du müsstest halt auch ein Kleinigkeit für mich tun ...

 

Ursi: [Errötet. Eine schlimme Ahnung steigt bildlich vor ihr auf. Tastet unmerkbar nach der Pfefferspraydose in ihrer gefakten D&G-Handtasche.]Sergerant Pepper

 

Onkel Hans: ... quasi als persönlichen Gefallen.

 

Ursi: [schraubt mit zitternden Fingern unbemerkt den Deckel von der Pfefferspraydose]

 

Onkel Hans: Weil die Sache mit der EU-Reform. Und der Abstimmung. Und wenn du mir da einen kleinen Gefallen tust, dann könnt' ich dir doch auch....

 

Ursi: [Ihr vergeht das Grinsen. Muskeln spannen sich]

 

Onkel Hans: ... und wennst ehrlich bist, Madl: Im Innersten, da willst es doch auch...

 

Ursi: [Zieht den Pfefferspray, nebelt Hans Dichand ein, zieht ihn am Kragen über den Schreibtisch, tritt ihm in die Weichteile und ins Gesicht] [brüllt] Niemals! Du perverses Schwein! Alter Lustmolch! Bundesgrapscher! [Zieht empört von dannen]

 

Onkel Hans: [Stöhnt, röchelt, spuckt Blut auf den Perser, zieht sich am Schreibtisch hoch] [murmelt leise] Dann halt nicht, du blöde Urschel. Geh ich halt zu den Roten, die sind da schon längstens geil drauf!

 

 

 


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